…’cause stupid is more fun when it is organized.
Glenn Beck is a gift to thinking people who need a good laugh, as we have seen. But I thought I should go see what the fuss is about.
Turns out, it is about “9 Principles and 12 Values” and they are a great representation of the conservative mind set.
We should have known that though. One of the great tag lines from this bullshit collection is “We Surround Them” as we keep hearing. And you have to love that. When people point out that christians are the largest religious group in America, they claim they are under attack. Remember, the majority is deeply under threat from the minority that mostly ignore them. Right….
Just like how for years when the president, the majority of congress, and the average guy on the street where all feeling republican, liberals were everywhere. They ran the media, they somehow made the government choices even though the government was right wing. The whole thing was an exercise in the odd.
So now that the government is mostly liberal, and the right wing was so insane that most Americans will no longer identify with them, well now, the right wing (according to them) outnumbers and surrounds the liberals!
You have to love a group that gets everything wrong.
But the real gut laughs are in the 9-12 list. We start with the 9 Principles.
1. America Is Good.
Right off the bat. Now remember, this isn’t a claim. This isn’t a hope. This isn’t a goal. It is a principle, or fundamental truth.
America is good. By definition.
Torture can’t be a problem, not if America does it. America is good. By definition. Invading other countries and bombing children? Why if other countries do that it is evil, but when we do it, it is good. It has to be, since America did it.
Just like the right wing assumption that if a right wing president does it, it must be legal and right and good, but if anyone else does it…
As I have long said, conservatives and liberals both love their country. Liberals love it like an adult loves another adult. They see that not everything is always right, and that improvements might be made, but they try to help them along and wish them the best. Conservatives on the other hand love their country like a 2 year old loves mommy. Even if mommy is drunk and slapping you around, well, you just love it anyway. And don’t complain. As long as the right wing is in charge.
That realization really makes the right wing “liberals want a big mommy government to take care of them” line funny as hell.
2. I believe in God and He is the Center of my Life.
Because when your first principle is that a country based on a secular idea that allows any religion to be practiced is good, the only second principle that makes sense is to throw out all the people that don’t follow your god. Brilliant!
3. I must always try to be a more honest person than I was yesterday.
I wonder if that includes giving up fake crying on camera? Or is that a higher honesty?
4. The family is sacred. My spouse and I are the ultimate authority, not the government.
Is that what they said when it was Bush in charge? I recall it differently.
At least they come out and admit why gay marriage is a threat. If “teh gays” can be sacred, well that just ruins everything. Bad news for them though, a whole lot of “sacred families” think they are full of shit.
5. If you break the law you pay the penalty. Justice is blind and no one is above it.
So Faux News supports prosecuting the bush administration now? I will stay alert for stories on this…
6. I have a right to life, liberty and pursuit of happiness, but there is no guarantee of equal results
Or even equal rights it turns out. Witness prop 8. Unless they suddenly gay marriage along with prosecuting Bush.
No. Wait. I spoke too soon. Somehow I suspect that principle the second means atheists don’t get equal rights either. Maybe Muslems though. At least both gods are male, thus it matches the “He” part of the second principle. Goddess worshipers need not apply.
7. I work hard for what I have and I will share it with who I want to. Government cannot force me to be charitable
Producing fake tears while talking to stooges like Chuck Norris is hard work darn it! And I don’t have to share!
This plays right into one of the great myths of conservatism. The evil “guberment” takes all your money and hands it out through “share the wealth” systems to dead beats.
The fact that the majority of government money comes from liberal areas of the country and goes to conservative areas, well that is just an inconvenient fact. Real conservatives ignore facts.
I wonder if it is considered charity when your tax dollars go to no bid contracts to the VP’s company? Nah!
8. It is not un-American for me to disagree with authority or to share my personal opinion
You have to admire the balls of anyone who can say that, on Faux News, after the 8 years of “you are either with the president or with the terrorists” that we were all here for. And yet somehow, in the minds of the pathetic morons who watch this putz, this all makes sense.
9. The government works for me. I do not answer to them, they answer to me.
Unless the government is run by the right wing that is, in which case they can tap phones, arrest you without cause, and pretty much do what ever the hell they want, after all as Bush said, “I don’t listen to the polls that is kinda like listening to a focus group.”
Thank goodness we have true American heros like Glenn Beck and Chuck Norris and Joe the Plumber. Imagine where humor would be without them….
For bonus points, see how many of the 12 Values you can match a republican hypocrite too!