The 9-12 Project

…’cause stupid is more fun when it is organized.

Glenn Beck is a gift to thinking people who need a good laugh, as we have seen. But I thought I should go see what the fuss is about.

Turns out, it is about “9 Principles and 12 Values” and they are a great representation of the conservative mind set.

We should have known that though. One of the great tag lines from this bullshit collection is “We Surround Them” as we keep hearing. And you have to love that. When people point out that christians are the largest religious group in America, they claim they are under attack. Remember, the majority is deeply under threat from the minority that mostly ignore them. Right….

Just like how for years when the president, the majority of congress, and the average guy on the street where all feeling republican, liberals were everywhere. They ran the media, they somehow made the government choices even though the government was right wing. The whole thing was an exercise in the odd.

So now that the government is mostly liberal, and the right wing was so insane that most Americans will no longer identify with them, well now, the right wing (according to them) outnumbers and surrounds the liberals!

You have to love a group that gets everything wrong.

But the real gut laughs are in the 9-12 list. We start with the 9 Principles.

1. America Is Good.

Right off the bat. Now remember, this isn’t a claim. This isn’t a hope. This isn’t a goal. It is a principle, or fundamental truth.

America is good. By definition.

Torture can’t be a problem, not if America does it. America is good. By definition. Invading other countries and bombing children? Why if other countries do that it is evil, but when we do it, it is good. It has to be, since America did it.

Just like the right wing assumption that if a right wing president does it, it must be legal and right and good, but if anyone else does it…

As I have long said, conservatives and liberals both love their country. Liberals love it like an adult loves another adult. They see that not everything is always right, and that improvements might be made, but they try to help them along and wish them the best. Conservatives on the other hand love their country like a 2 year old loves mommy. Even if mommy is drunk and slapping you around, well, you just love it anyway. And don’t complain. As long as the right wing is in charge.

That realization really makes the right wing “liberals want a big mommy government to take care of them” line funny as hell.

2. I believe in God and He is the Center of my Life.

Because when your first principle is that a country based on a secular idea that allows any religion to be practiced is good, the only second principle that makes sense is to throw out all the people that don’t follow your god. Brilliant!

3. I must always try to be a more honest person than I was yesterday.

I wonder if that includes giving up fake crying on camera? Or is that a higher honesty?

4. The family is sacred. My spouse and I are the ultimate authority, not the government.

Is that what they said when it was Bush in charge? I recall it differently.

At least they come out and admit why gay marriage is a threat. If “teh gays” can be sacred, well that just ruins everything. Bad news for them though, a whole lot of “sacred families” think they are full of shit.

5. If you break the law you pay the penalty. Justice is blind and no one is above it.

So Faux News supports prosecuting the bush administration now? I will stay alert for stories on this…

6. I have a right to life, liberty and pursuit of happiness, but there is no guarantee of equal results

Or even equal rights it turns out. Witness prop 8. Unless they suddenly gay marriage along with prosecuting Bush.

No. Wait. I spoke too soon. Somehow I suspect that principle the second means atheists don’t get equal rights either. Maybe Muslems though. At least both gods are male, thus it matches the “He” part of the second principle. Goddess worshipers need not apply.

7. I work hard for what I have and I will share it with who I want to. Government cannot force me to be charitable

Producing fake tears while talking to stooges like Chuck Norris is hard work darn it! And I don’t have to share!

This plays right into one of the great myths of conservatism. The evil “guberment” takes all your money and hands it out through “share the wealth” systems to dead beats.

The fact that the majority of government money comes from liberal areas of the country and goes to conservative areas, well that is just an inconvenient fact. Real conservatives ignore facts.

I wonder if it is considered charity when your tax dollars go to no bid contracts to the VP’s company? Nah!

8. It is not un-American for me to disagree with authority or to share my personal opinion

You have to admire the balls of anyone who can say that, on Faux News, after the 8 years of “you are either with the president or with the terrorists” that we were all here for. And yet somehow, in the minds of the pathetic morons who watch this putz, this all makes sense.

9. The government works for me. I do not answer to them, they answer to me.

Unless the government is run by the right wing that is, in which case they can tap phones, arrest you without cause, and pretty much do what ever the hell they want, after all as Bush said, “I don’t listen to the polls that is kinda like listening to a focus group.”

Thank goodness we have true American heros like Glenn Beck and Chuck Norris and Joe the Plumber. Imagine where humor would be without them….

For bonus points, see how many of the 12 Values you can match a republican hypocrite too!

12 Values
Hard Work
Personal Responsibility

  1. #1 by Larry Bergan on April 2, 2009 - 2:58 pm

    Your arguments are right on Shane, but I have to think these media freaks are just sadists. They love nothing more then to make us crazy and watch us try to run around missing the leg they just pulled off.

    Bush got to maim a lot of Americas best young people and then made jokes about not being able to find WMD’s under his desk. In all this, we still have to remain sane somehow. It’s a struggle!

  2. #2 by Moribund Republic on April 2, 2009 - 3:06 pm

    Will you say the same when the limbless return from Obama’s Afghanistan Larry?

  3. #3 by Larry Bergan on April 2, 2009 - 3:30 pm

    I’m waiting to see what Obama’s goals are. I don’t see any war profiteering for him personally, but I’m pretty sure he won’t be making jokes about lies he told us to get us into war as Bush did.

  4. #4 by Richard Warnick on April 2, 2009 - 6:18 pm

    Of course, the real stupidity is Glenn Beck trying to appropriate 9-11 for his own purposes –after saying he hates the families of 9-11 victims.

    For a laugh, check out Stephen Colbert’s 10-31 Project (video).

  5. #5 by Ken on April 2, 2009 - 6:24 pm

    It is very fitting because conservatives have a 9/12 worldview while liberals and Democrats have a 9/10 world view.

  6. #6 by Richard Warnick on April 2, 2009 - 6:45 pm


    Your “9-12 worldview” is nothing more than bad, old-fashioned American exceptionalism. Other countries have dealt with serious terrorist threats without freaking out and tearing up their constitutions, or starting unwinnable wars halfway around the world like our politicians did.

    IMHO Bush et al. were using fear-mongering for political ends, inadvertently helping al-Qaeda in many ways. Objectively, Bush and bin Laden were allies.

  7. #7 by Shane Smith on April 3, 2009 - 6:19 am

    It is interesting Ken, but the outgoing Clinton administraion tried to warn Bush the younger and even less competent about the terrorists groups and how important they were, and several Bush aids laughed about how silly that was. It was fodder about how out of touch the Clinton group was that they had concerns about some arab in a cave in another country. It made rightwing moron radio.

    So if by 9/10 world you mean “always knew about this stuff but refused to destroy human rights and the constitution over it,” then yes, yes they do have that view.

    And if by 9/12 world view you mean “suddenly woke up in bed wetting fear to the realization there is a whole world out there and that they aren’t special,” then yes, that is the conservative view.

    But hey Ken, as per usual, don’t let facts get in the way of your bumper sticker talking points.

  8. #8 by Rich Okelberry on April 3, 2009 - 6:35 am


    What’s up? You keep putting up post after post attacking religion as the root of all evil, yet still avoid telling us what you believe in. Come now Shane, inquiring minds want to know. Also, if you had to pick one basic theology as the very worst in the world, which would it be; Islam, Christianity, Hindu, Taoism, etc? Based on your regular attacks, I would have to say you lean heavily against Christianity. Which would you say has been the most destructive, Shane? It’s time to let your hair down and tell us what you REALLY think…

  9. #9 by Shane Smith on April 3, 2009 - 6:50 am

    Hey again Rich! Still having trouble understanding basic english I see.

    This post, as you could see if could read above a second grade level, is about Glenn Beck and his “make myself money and a name off of a tragedy” project. Go read it. Get a dictionary for the two and three syllable words. I will check back here in three weeks when you are done reading it.

  10. #10 by Rich Okelberry on April 3, 2009 - 7:27 am

    Wow, very condescending Shane… All I’m asking for is a little disclosure about your beliefs. As I’ve said before, anyone can criticize but not everyone is able to have their own beliefs scrutinized. Keep avoiding Shane… I’m certain that those around here have begun to take notice.

    So how about it Shane? What kind of god do you believe in? Or are you one of the few that claims there is no god at all?

  11. #11 by Shane Smith on April 3, 2009 - 7:46 am

    Well Rich, you have shown, repeatedly, that you deserve nothing less than condescension.

    I post what I believe, regularly, and you don’t seem to be able to read it, so you ask me what I believe. Either that or you need my thoughts trapped in a neat little labeled box. Sorry, it doesn’t work that way, just because your beliefs fit that categorization.

    You want my beliefs? You can search through the site, I write them all the time. It isn’t my fault you are too dense to read.

    And again, you might notice, this post is not about your 2 topics. Since you approach every topic as if it were either abortion, or god, we see your beliefs. This topic is about Glenn Beck, the conservative mind set, and the stupidity that relates them.

    Again, as so many people say to you so often here. Try reading. Seriously.

  12. #12 by cav on April 3, 2009 - 8:46 am

    Shane’s responses to both Ken and RO are the definitive ‘On a Roll’. Well done, Sir.

  13. #13 by mike p. on April 3, 2009 - 11:50 am

    Can tell your a left wing shit bird !

    • #14 by Becky on April 3, 2009 - 12:22 pm


      Great job advancing the discussion. (That’s sarcasm, by the way.)

  14. #15 by Larry Bergan on April 3, 2009 - 1:19 pm


    There should be a universal emoticon for sarcasm. It’s a very effective slapdown, but is used too often as a cop-out.

  15. #16 by Jan on April 7, 2009 - 12:20 am

    These principals are the ones I have always lived by. I have a difficult life but never blamed the government for it. I have an illness an am on medicade and medicare

  16. #17 by Larry Bergan on April 7, 2009 - 1:32 am



  17. #18 by salt lake plumbing on April 16, 2009 - 5:41 pm

    so if you regularly listen to glenn beck, i won’t have to explain too much about all of this — many of us have been waiting (and hoping) for something like this at least since the election if not before. if you are a liberal who is a hater against all that is moral and god-like, against all that is good in this country, you can move along unless you’d actually like to learn something and you too, are having second thoughts about what you see happening in this country.

  18. #19 by Cliff on April 16, 2009 - 5:50 pm

    Huh? SLP,

    Do you really believe liberals hate all that is moral? Or are you talking about abortion and homosexuality because I know Jesus and he is CLEARLY liberal.

  19. #20 by Shane Smith on April 17, 2009 - 6:37 am

    So, SLP, if you are one of those who assumes that there cannot be morality with out god, and that anyone who is “liberal” is evil and bad, that explains how you are able to listen to Glenn Beck. Cognitive dissonance isn’t a problem if you have no cognition in the first place….

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