I am a bit of a geek. By which I mean a huge tech fan, not someone who bites the heads off chickens. I love big tech, tiny tech, and all the useless things it does. I owned an Atari way back in the day. I had a Handspring Visor. I love my iPhone in ways that may one day be outlawed. I find the “disk drive imperial march” to be one of the greatest things in the history of mankind. (No I won’t link it, look it up yourself. Youtube.)
I also love to make fun of religious fundamentalists. I know that is a little like shooting fish in a barrel. A small barrel. With a tank. From point blank. But I do love it.
Sometimes those Forbidden Loves cross. That is why I knew I had to share this with you all…
Say you want to preserve a socially created pointless custom designed to ensure that men can sleep around but women who get laid get ostracized? Thats right, you want to remain a virgin until you announce your plans to spend the rest of your life (or at least that part of it between the I do and the annulment) with that someone special who is looking to get hitched young because she is horny too. But how do you remember to not have sex? What if you forget and bang your best friend out of simple absent mindedness?
Because lets face it, if it is so important you need to buy a bit of code for your phone, you will keep it forever!
I imagine this will be about as successful as the real rings, and abstinence only education. Which is to say not at all.
On the plus side, the companies director makes one of the funniest statements in the history of the crusade for virginity:
“We are preaching to the converted, and we’re going for people who wouldn’t buy a ring. The app is not the be-all-and-end-all of purity pledges: it’s an entry point.”
An entry point? Really? That is how you want to phrase getting people to not, well, enter?
That is as bad as referring to a place where several tons of flying metal comes to a stop near a crowd of people as an airport “terminal.”
In the US, around 8m people have taken a purity pledge; in the UK, the figure is around 250,000. The country is regularly described as the teenage pregancy capital of Europe, and last week it was revealed that a £6m campaign to cut teenage pregnancies had failed, leading to an increase, rather than a drop, in the number of girls getting pregnant.
Yeah, not even the Jesus Phone is going to fix that guys.
Asked whether the virtual nature of the ring might lead people to forget their vow of abstinence in the heat of the moment, Bennett replied: “If you’ve taken the pledge, you’re likely to follow it through.”
he said, ignoring the statistics that just made him a liar and an ass bent on making money off of the disturbed sexual double standard message that we send our youth.
Personally I am going to write an app to help people not need sex and submit it to the iPhone App Store as well. Mine will will be more effective as I plan to make use of the “vibrate” feature of the phone.
It should be noted that thousands of teenage boys have already bought the app, knowing full well that just showing it to a girl is a great way to improve your chances of getting laid… Now if only it used the built in map function to show where all the sex starved people who owned the app were at, it would be like a world wide iPhone induced orgy.
But then the rate of STDs and teenage pregnancies is highest amongst those young people who claim to have deep religious beliefs and/or have taken chastity pledges. Maybe this app is better used to track people who might give you something you will have to see a doctor about.
…now if they made an app that gave you condoms, well that might make a difference.