Archive for category Richard Okleberry
The foregoing was lifted without permission and in its entirety. Republican Jesus is the central figure in the Republican religion and is the Jesus worshiped by Christian conservatives.
Republican Jesus shares many superficial qualities with the biblical Jesus, and in fact a minority of historians believe the two are actually the same figure. However, a growing body of evidence suggests that Republican Jesus was actually born in 1964 aboard a Goldwater campaign bus east of Flagstaff, and was recognized as the one true Republican messiah in 1980, in which role he continues to this day. Some of the more significant differences between the two Jesus’ philosophies:
The biblical Jesus preached at length about renouncing worldly possessions and giving to the poor. Republican Jesus believes that such handouts merely encourage the poor to be lazy, and that Christian charity is better practiced through massive tax breaks for the wealthiest citizens, who could then be expected to let the money “tinkle down” to the poor in the form of honest, if low-paying, jobs at upright Republican institutions like Wal-Mart.
Whereas the biblical Jesus is not known to have ever addressed the subject of homosexuality at all, let alone gay marriage, homosexuality is just about all Republican Jesus ever talks about. Indeed, in contrast to the biblical Jesus’ instruction to “love thy neighbor,” Republican Jesus specifically commands his flock to “Hate they neighbor, unless thou art sure he is not one of those fucking degenerate ass-bandits.” (Italics in the original.)
Likewise, the biblical Jesus’ views on abortion are unknown, whereas Republican Jesus made his feelings clear in the Parable of Harry Blackmun, in which a Supreme Court justice votes to legalize abortions and is subsequently cast into a pit of liquid fire for all eternity. The Parable of Harry Blackmun is believed to be the basis for the Christian conservative belief that it’s okay to pray for the death of a liberal as long as you don’t actually try to kill him yourself, or at least if you’re not likely to get caught.
The biblical Jesus threw the money changers out of the Temple. Republican Jesus welcomed them in, even going so far as to open the first known church inside a Wal-Mart.
The biblical Jesus spent most of his time among lepers, prostitutes, and other people who were shunned by society. Republican Jesus is notoriously afraid of AIDS, which he believes can be contracted in such ways as shaking hands with an infected person or using the same toilet seat, so he spends most of his time at the gun club or at home watching NASCAR races on television. Republican Jesus frequently talks about his intention to start donating money to hospice organizations or the Red Cross, but there is no evidence that he has ever done so.
In the Gospel of Matthew, the biblical Jesus says: “Ye have heard that it hath been said, Thou shalt love thy neighbour, and hate thine enemy. But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you; That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust.”
In the equivalent passage in the Gospel of George, Republican Jesus says: “Ye have heard that it hath been said: Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you. But I say unto you, Sendeth thou those Iraqi camel jockeys back unto the Stone Age before they dost get it into their filthy rag-wrapped heads to do the same to thee; sendeth thou a rain of cruise missiles on the unjust sand niggers, and maketh a sun of nuclear fire rise upon their evil asses. If anyone doth ask, just say they had weapons of mass destruction.” – Lifted without permission and in its entirety.
A Palestinian family rushes from the scene of an Israeli missile strike on a building in the Rafah refugee camp, southern Gaza Strip, 28 December 2008. (Hatem Omar/MaanImages)
Recently, some of us at One Utah have been engaged in a fruitless rhetorical pissing contest with Richard Okelberry (I use R.O. for short). According to R.O. this blog is a “hate group” that ought to be “disbanded and shut down.”
In particular, R.O. claims I am anti-Jewish because I criticized Israel for its merciless, indiscriminate 23-day attack on the people of Gaza last December and January, and equated it with terrorism. He does not know me personally, and I don’t think he has even paid much attention to what I wrote. It was just a cheap smear, an attempt to make unwelcome facts go away by taking a poorly-aimed potshot at one messenger.
These facts are here to stay. The 2008–2009 Israel–Gaza conflict was so one-sided that it’s often referred to as the “Gaza massacre.” An estimated 1,370 or more Palestinians died in the conflict. The Israeli side lost 13 dead, four due to accidental friendly fire.
The United Nations Office for the Coordination of Humanitarian Affairs reported that the Gaza Strip operation caused a severe humanitarian crisis due to the destruction of livelihoods and infrastructure. More than 50,800 Gazans were left homeless. Even though 80 percent of the population cannot support themselves and are dependent on humanitarian assistance, Israeli continues to maintain a blockade that prevents adequate food and supplies from getting through.
Independent war crimes investigators and journalists have documented sickening horrors that I won’t describe here. The Guardian has a page detailing what’s known so far.
People have a right to get exercised about what they regard as “hate speech,” whether it’s Glenn Beck or some part-time bloggers. Meanwhile, remember B. Traven’s famous admonition:
“This is the real world, muchachos, and you are in it.”
UPDATE: The U.N. Human Rights Council has initiated a formal war crimes investigation of the Gaza operation. The investigation is being led by Richard Goldstone, a widely respected South African judge and former chief U.N. prosecutor of war crimes in Yugoslavia and Rwanda. The impartial investigation will document violations of the Law of Land Warfare by both sides in the conflict.