Posts Tagged hyrum utah

Commies Invade Hyrum Utah

It was bound to happen.

Last Wednesday over one-thousand commies wielding meat cleavers took over the sleepy town of Hyrum Utah. The dawn raid was met with little resistance.

By 10am, the loathsome Bandito Regiment of the Red Army had encircled the town’s only employer, the JBS/Swift & Company meatpacking plant. Generalisimo Bernardo Ponce, who has been working uncover at the plant for 14 years as a janitor, led the raid. The senior center, the only other hardened structure in Hyrum, was also taken as all 15 towns people were lining up for the daily lunch service.

Envoys for Generalisimo Ponce, confirmed that the elite force known as Indoctrinarios de Comrados had obtained full confessions and signed oaths of allegiance from the townsmen before lunch got cold.

Hyrum Mayor Dean Howard was not captured and is believed to be in exile at in nearby Wellsville. Refusing to give his exact location, Howard issued a statement;

“This is clearly retaliation for the December 2006 raid when ‘nem federal agents arrested pert ‘ners abut 1,300 workers on violating 705C.”

“Ain’t no secret. Ever’ wun knows 705C”, voluntered life-long Hyrum resident Brody Pratt Hyrum who explained the secret ordinance requires all workers within city limits to be equal to or lighter than Pantone 705C, Mayor Howard’s skin color.

A regional newspaper reported the following;

HYRUM — More than 1,100 workers at the JBS/Swift & Company meatpacking plant gained union representation Wednesday after a vote was taken by secret ballot.

…Isaias Lopez has worked at the meatpacking plant in Hyrum for 22 years and supported organizing as a union.

“Too many things are not good,” Lopez told The Herald Journal on Thursday. “You know, the benefits are not good, and people need more good benefits. The rights for the people are not respectable.”

Specifically, Lopez, who said his English is not excellent, said the employees at the plant are overworked.

“People work so hard, and then people make too many complaints and nobody listens,” Lopez said. “And I don’t like that people make complaints all the time because their supervisors push too much, and then too many people get in accidents because the guys are working too much and the guys are pushed too much to work. That’s why I decide to get in this union and get maybe good salary for everybody and more benefits for everybody.”

Notice to Residents: Free Sleigh rides to see the Elk and Santa has been advanced to December 13th before the communist manifesto becomes effective. Proof of residency required for admission.

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